Gender Translation Service

THE MANS GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH

• We need = I want

• It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

• Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

• We need to talk = I need to complain

• Sure...Go ahead = I don't want you to

• I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

• You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

• You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

• I'm not emotional! And I'm not over reacting! = I've got my period

• Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

• This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

• I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

• I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

• Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

• I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

• Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

• How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like

• I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

• Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

• You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

• Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

• Yes = No

• No = No

• Maybe = No

• I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

• Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it

• Was that the baby?= Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep

• I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

• All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

THE ANSWER TO A FEMALE SAYING "WHAT'S WRONG?".....

• The same old thing = Nothing

• Nothing = Everything

• Everything = My PMS is acting up

• Nothing, really = It's just that you're such a pain in the butt

• I don't want to talk about it = Go away, I'm still building up steam

THE WOMEN'S GUIDE TO MEN'S ENGLISH

• "I'm hungry" = I'm hungry

• "I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy

• "I'm tired" = I'm tired

• "Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

• "Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

• "Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

• "May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

• "Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

• "You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you

• "What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this

• "What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

• "What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question

• "I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex?

• "I love you" = Let's have sex now

• "I love you, too" = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!

• "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = I liked it better before

• "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = $50 and it doesn't look any different!

• "Let's talk" = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me

• "Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys

• "I like that one better" (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!!!